


It’s Just Me

by kvroshi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Domestic, M/M, billy isn’t all bad, season two fix-it, soft Billy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:15:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27828112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kvroshi/pseuds/kvroshi
Summary: Billy calls his ex from their marine days instead of Curtis. Lukas saves Billy’s life. Billy doesn’t get shot by Frank. They get to live on as fruit cups together.
Relationships: Billy Russo/Original Character(s), Curtis Hoyle & Billy Russo (Mentioned), Frank Castle & Billy Russo (Mentioned)
Kudos: 6





	It’s Just Me

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't enjoy Billy dying, so let’s just pretend he didn’t.

Lukas startled awake at the sound of his phone ringing. Being in the marines had made him a light sleeper and he could never seem to shake the habit. It took him a minute, but he finally managed to blindly reach out for his glasses and phone. He practically shoved the frames on. Unknown caller?

“Rodgers.” he mumbled into the phone groggily, pushing up his glasses to rub at his eyes with the heel of his hands. He was met with laboured, almost wet breathing.

“Lukas.. Luke..” the voice was staggering, as if it was painful to speak. “I-I’m hurt really bad-”

“Billy..? Bill, where are you?” Lukas was already tugging clothes on, his phone sat on his bed on speaker.

“Yeah, I’m bleeding all over Curtis’ basement.” Billy gave a pained and forced chuckle. “I’m dying. I’m dying, Luke..”

“No Billy, no you’re not. You’re not gonna fucking die, shut your mouth.” he could feel tears pricking his eyes as he shoved his feet into a pair of boots, not even bothering to tie them.

“Look, I know that I probably don’t deserve it after what I’ve done.. But if you can find it-” there was a wet, staggering breath, full of blood and tears. “I don’t wanna die alone.. I don’t- I don’t-” there were sounds of Billy choking and sputtering slightly, and then silence.

Lukas’ hand froze over his doorknob, though it was only for a moment before he was back in action. He knew he probably looked like a mess to his neighbours, sleep deprived and running out of the house barely dressed. But this was Billy, his Billy, bleeding out in Curtis’ basement. He was rushing so fast he’d almost forgotten his EMT kit, but thankfully he didn’t. Lukas probably didn’t have time to go back and get it, Billy probably didn’t have the time.

“Bill! Billy, you still with me?” Lukas shouted into his phone. He could still hear Billy breathing which was a good sign.

“Yeah I’m..” Lukas cringed at the sound of Billy coughing up blood. “Here, I’m here Luke.”

“Good, good! I’m on my way pretty boy, stay alive long enough for me to punch you for b-being an idiot, yeah?” he could’ve cried at the pained laugh from the other side of the line.

He probably broke multiple traffic laws on the way to the small church where Curtis held the support group. God, he hoped he was the only one Billy had called. Lukas was the only person who understood why Billy had done what he’d done, the only one who still cared about him. If he’d called anyone else, who knew how long it would be before Frank showed up to put a bullet in Billy’s skull.

“Almost there Bill, you’re really lucky it’s early or else traffic would be murder..” Lukas gripped the steering wheel harshly until Billy hummed quietly in response.

Lukas haphazardly parked his car, barely remembering to turn the damn thing off before he sprinted inside. He skidded across the wood floor on his knees when he finally got to Billy, immediately throwing his EMT bag open and getting out the shit he needed. He carefully, but quickly helped billy out of his jacket before ripping his shirt open. Cutting it would’ve taken too long.

“My saviour..” Billy whispered, his eyes closed and a dazed smile playing on his blood covered lips.

“You’re not gonna be saying that in a minute, this is gonna hurt Bill.” he looked up at Billy as he wiped the majority of the blood away before pouring antiseptic over the wound. They both winced as it sizzled aggressively.

“Got thrown in a garbage bin..” Billy mumbled and snorted, which just made him cough up blood.

“Jesus, well if you wouldn’t mind staying still, trash man..” Lukas mumbled and laid Billy out on the wood floor.

He tore open a packet of tweezers before taking a steadying breath. Lukas reached out and put a hand against Billy’s shoulder before carefully digging into the bullet wound and pulling the bullet out. The bullets had already been taken out of his stomach, which was why he was bleeding so badly. There was nothing there to stop them from bleeding. He cringed at the amount of blood on the floor. Quickly, he stitched Billy up and put some bandages over his abdomen and shoulder. Billy had passed out from the pain.

“Hey..” Lukas whispered as he gently cleaned the blood from Billy’s face. “C’mon, I can’t carry you out to the car, pretty boy..” he lightly tapped Billy’s face until he slowly blinked away. “There ya go, good boy.” Lukas smiled softly and ever so gently helped Billy to his feet.

He was honestly astonished when they made it to the car without busting one of Billy’s stitches. Lukas got him in the backseat, carefully buckling him in. No matter what, the seatbelt was gonna go over his abdomen. Lukas was gonna have to be careful while he drove, if he stopped too soon and the seatbelt locked.. It would be hell for Billy.

The drive back to Lukas’ small condo just outside the major part of the city was silent. The only noises were Billy’s laboured breaths from the backseat as he slept. Thankfully, Frank and Curtis had believed Lukas when he’d said he didn’t want anything to do with Billy when they’d come asking after he’d escaped from the hospital. In all honesty, he told them that in the slightest chance that Billy would come ‘round looking for a place to stay. He did, once, and it hurt to see how messed up Billy was after the night at the carousel. Frank really had cracked his head like an egg. It was evident in the way Billy had called Lukas ‘baby’ upon seeing him, he’d thought they were still dating because that’s what he remembered.

Getting Billy into Lukas’ house had been a whole other ordeal, the steps in the garage being the worst of it. But eventually, they made it. Gingerly depositing Billy on his bed, Lukas felt the emotions of that morning finally wash over him. He didn’t want them, but here he was, crying like a baby with Billy’s face in his hands and their foreheads pushed together.

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again, Russo..”

-

It’d been 6 weeks since Billy had called Lukas, and they (more so Lukas) were in the process of packing his few possessions into his car. He’d managed to get Billy new papers, new everything. The feds had proclaimed Billy dead three days after the incident, figuring anyone who’d lost that much blood had to be and that his body was somewhere at the bottom of the Hudson. Though, they still had to take precautions. Which meant Billy’s now slightly scruffy hair had been dyed blond, his beard shaved, and they’d acquired a lengthy supply of green contacts. Sure, it was a bit overkill, but Billy was so scared of getting locked back up or Frank finding him that Lukas probably would’ve given the man his own face if he could.

“Luke! Luke can you come help me?” Billy called, having just gotten out of the shower.

“What’s up?” Lukas tried not to blush at the sight of Billy with a towel wrapped low around his hips.

“Bandages..” Billy frowned. He was a bit weird about Lukas seeing the bullet wounds, let alone touching them. It was similar to the scars on his face.

“Course.” he nodded simply and grabbed clean bandages from the cupboard.

It was silent while Lukas carefully cleaned the bullet wound on Billy’s shoulder before wrapping it with gauze and bandaging. It was gentle and intimate, Billy’s eyes never leaving the pale and nimble hands that cared for him so well. Lukas was careful to gauge how tightly to wrap the bandaging by whether or not Billy winced when he did it, wincing meant he was in far too much pain. Idiot had too much of a pain tolerance to since when a normal person would. The ones on his abdomen were always a bit awkward to deal with, it meant Lukas either had to press so close to the other male that their hips touched, or he had to sit on the edge of the tub and then his face was far too close to Billy’s abdomen and crotch. That and the now blond seemed to always get his hands in Lukas’ curls while he was doing it. He’d just card his fingers through the tawny, reddish strands. Though, sometimes, mostly when the bandages were wrapped too tightly, he’d tug lightly.

“Bill, c’mon, stop that..” Lukas mumbled as he loosened the bandages after Billy had given his hair a slightly harsh tug.

“You used to love it when I did that.” the shit-eating grin could almost be heard in Billy’s voice.

“Well, unless you want to bandage yourself, you can cut it the fuck out.” Lukas batted the taller’s hands away before standing. Only, he didn’t account for how close they’d be and it made his breath bitch.

“Yeah?” Billy looked down at him with a smug smile, his hand coming up to cup the back of his neck. “You don’t sound so sure about that Luke.”

There were a few seconds when neither man did anything, just stood staring at the other, taking in his features. Billy was about to start counting Lukas’ freckles when he finally leaned up, catching their lips together. It was gentle as far as kissing Billy Russo went, which meant to anyone at all it most definitely wasn’t. It was solely just two past lovers exploring what had been forgotten about the other. What it lacked in gentleness, the kiss made up for in intimacy. Lukas was just about to take it a step further when Billy abruptly pulled away at the feeling of hands on his face.

“D-Don’t..” he whispered and took Lukas’ hands in his own. 

He’d let Krista touch his scars, but that was purely sexual in nature. And, he didn’t love her like he did Lukas. There was this feeling deep down, that Lukas touching his scars would corrupt him. They came from a part of Billy that he never wanted Lukas to touch, one that scared him and had always made him feel like he wasn’t there. Whenever he killed someone, it felt as if he were watching from outside, watching his body doing the killing. Those scars also came from Frank, and Billy never wanted anyone to touch that part of his life ever again.

“It’s just me Bill..” Lukas whispered and cautiously brought his hand back to Billy’s face. “It’s just me..” he slowly ran his thumb over the scar under the other man’s eye.

Billy froze, his whole body going rigid. The only thing he could feel was that hand on his face, but then he heard Lukas’ voice. His voice paired with the hand made him realize. Made him realize that Lukas was touching him, not just the scars. Lukas was touching Billy because he loved what he saw, loved what he felt, loved Billy. Loved everything about him, even the parts Billy hated. Loved the way his eyes always had a mischievous glint, how sometimes he’d smile so big it looked like it’d rip his face in half, how he used to just dance for no reason. He also loved how Billy was toned yet still had love handles, loved that stupid face he made when he was confused, loved how clingy he could get sometimes cause he needed reassurance. Lukas loved it all, unconditionally.

“It’s just you..” Billy repeated back, letting his eyes fall shut and his forehead rest against Lukas’. “Always been you Luke..” he brought his own hand to the other’s cheek, allowing his thumb to graze along the scar there. “Always gonna be you..”

And Billy loved Lukas too. Loved how impossibly freckled he got in the summer, the way he snorted when he laughed, how he constantly needed to bust his hands. Loved it when he rambled about things he liked, told Billy things multiple times cause he forgot he already did, and loved just how much he cared about everyone and everything. Billy loved it all so much. He loved Lukas so much.

-

They moved to Maine, Billy had always wanted to live there and Lukas loved the architecture. And they moved to a coastal town because neither of them could imagine living far from the comfort of sea spray. Using the money Billy still had, they bought a house. A good one that would last them as long as they chose to live there. They spent weeks building ikea furniture because they decided that was something you needed to do when you got a house. A couple of the pieces had ended up with them frustrated and fucking in the living room to get over said frustration.

After they finally settled in, they got a dog. An irish wolfhound puppy that they decided was so big he had to called Kong. And good lord did Billy love that dog, was always sneaking him treats and took him on runs with him once a day. Lukas would always joke that he was being replaced by Kong, but in all honesty he loved how happy the dog made Billy.

It was about a year after living in Maine that Billy proposed. Lukas said yes, obviously. It was simple, they’d gone for a date at the aquarium. But it was sappy all the same, because he proposed in front of the seahorses, and seahorses mate for life. And Lukas cried because it was just so dumb and so Billy. They were married as Lukas Rodgers and James Pansing, which was changed to Lukas and James Rodgers. However, Lukas made a copy of their wedding certificate that said Billy’s real name.

That didn’t mean things weren’t hard though, it took a long time for Billy to stop having regular nightmares. Even after that, he still had them sometimes. And Lukas would lie there and card his fingers through his now long blond hair, whispering soothing words until he went back to sleep. There were also days when Billy would remember something that he’d done and it would set him off. He’d get angry and mean, or he’d push Lukas away and lock himself in their bedroom. He didn’t run anymore, he was smart enough to know that he couldn’t do things that way anymore without risking getting locked up again.

But they were happy. Happier than either of them had ever would’ve thought they’d be. Billy had once said that if he’d gone back in time to tell himself how happy he was, his younger self probably would’ve laughed in his face. There were a couple times when shit almost hit the fan, like Frank showing up in Maine one day on a job and coming to visit Lukas. Billy almost lost it while he waited, tucked away in their bedroom. The other when some old lady almost recognized him in a grocery store. They were still happy though, probably would be no matter what. They were happy because they had each other, and that was the important part.


End file.
